Few One Liners:

• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
• A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.
• If winning isn't everything why do they keep score?
• A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
• The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
• If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.

A police officer attempts to stop a car for speeding and the guy gradually increases his speed until he's topping 100 mph. He eventually realizes he can't escape and finally pulls over. The cop approaches the car and says, "It's been a long day and my tour is almost over, so if you can give me a good excuse for your behavior, I'll let you go." The guy thinks for a few seconds and then says, "My wife ran away with a cop about a week ago. I thought you might be that officer trying to give her back!"

A man is on his way home from work one afternoon in Chennai. He's stopped in traffic and thinks, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual we're not even moving."
He notices a police officer walking down the highway in between the cars and he rolls down his window and says,"Excuse me officer, what's the hold up?"
"Jayalalitha just found out the verdict, and she's all depressed. She's lying down in the middle of the highway and she's threatening to douse herself in gasoline and light herself on fire. She just doesn't have Rs.85 Crores for the tax dues. I'm walking around taking up a collection for her"
The man says,"Oh really, how much have you got so far."
"So far....ten litres."

A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked: Bhai ek Will
dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted and said I want one Will,
So the person told him unless you say it correctly i.e. Wills I won't sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad and said "Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang rahen hain".

A group from Punjab spent a weekend gambling in Goa. One of the men on that trip won Rs100,000. He didn't want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home.

Arriving back 3 a.m. He immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it. The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole. He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute.

On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man. Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house.

'You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my Rs100,000 I'm going to kill him!' he screamed at the professor. The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, 'I hid it in my backyard, underneath the cherry tree.'

The professor turned to the man with the gun and said, 'He's not going to tell you. He said he'd rather die first.'

All of has watched KABHIE KHUSHI KABHIE GHAM... Remember the scene where Hrithik Roshan gives SRK lift to his office; Here, it goes : Hrithik:You mind if I turn on the radio to check the score, INDIA vs ENGLAND, At The Oval, last over chal raha hoga. Somebody remind him that: 1.You guys are driving in London, 2.The Oval is located in London. Then, how can it be the ultimate over of the match when you are on your way to the office in the morning at 0900 odd hours... Though,the scene succeeds in conveying the core message thet the two gentlemen are brothers.But something that's missing is,what do I say,"LOGIC".

A man goes to his physician and is shocked to find that he has been replaced by a super-computer. The computer asks him his ailments and the man says he has a sore elbow. A drawer pops out and he is asked to urinate in it. After a few bleeps and flashing lights the computer decides he has tennis elbow.

The man is annoyed and decides to get one over on this machine so he asks his wife for a urine sample. He then mixes this with urine from his dog and his small son and to top it off, adds some of his sperm. He takes it to the computer-physician who again asks him for a sample. He places the urine/sperm sample in the drawer and the computer makes its usual display of bleeps and flashes before telling him that his wife is pregnant, his dog has rabies, his son has chicken pox and if he doesn't stop masturbating he'll never get rid of his tennis elbow